


Stronger Than That

by Menomegirl



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Episode Related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-12
Updated: 2006-02-12
Packaged: 2019-02-05 17:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12799341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menomegirl/pseuds/Menomegirl
Summary: Musing on the return of my favorite character from Angel.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

*************

 

Lindsey's POV

 

*************

 

As I lay here, waiting for her to return, I ponder 

on the past that's lead me to this moment in time, 

and the concept of good and evil. Right and wrong. 

Truth and lies. Honor and betrayal. And I wonder 

how someone I had come to respect could have let 

himself be maneuvered into his current position. Do 

you even realize what you've done? Has your 

arrogance become so overwhelming that you think you 

can change the world from the belly of the beast? 

 

I know why you did it, of course. Noble gesture, 

that. It was certainly more noble than mine was, I 

fully admit that. Oh, I told myself at the time I 

was only following orders, but we both know, that 

wasn't entirely true. It's hard for me to believe 

you actually did it. What's become of you since I 

left that you felt there was no other choice? The 

man I left behind would never have done that, and 

aren't you aware that killing someone in order to 

save their life never goes the way you think it 

will. Your choice is going to come back and bite 

your ass, my friend. And it's gonna happen when you 

least expect it to.

 

I haven't come to you directly, because I know you 

still think of me as evil, and maybe part of me 

still is. Thing is, you're in my position now. You 

have no idea how amusing I find that. You once 

mocked me for doing what you've done. The fact that 

you've dragged your friends down with you is even 

funnier. That high-handed tendency of yours to take 

control and make all the decisions because you 

think you're always right has lead you astray this 

time.

 

And me? I'm in your position now. Well, sort of. 

I'm not gonna lie here and say I'm the champion of 

good, fighting to help the helpless, or whatever 

you've always told yourself when you try to 

convince yourself that you're on the side of the 

light. We both know, that's not true. I just want 

out from under the shadow that colors my life, so I 

can get on with it, and maybe I can go on to spend 

the rest of it attempting to forget the look of 

fear on her face in her last moment of humanity.

 

Have you forgotten what I told you before you 

mutilated me or how hard I worked to turn you to 

the darkness within? Did you forget me so 

completely that you cannot recall the advice I gave 

you before I left? Are you really that dense, 

Angel?

 

I thought you were stronger than that.

 

 

******************

 

Angel's POV

 

******************

 

As I sit here at my desk, I ponder the events that 

have happened to lead me to my current position, 

and I'm contemplating all the things that happened 

today. I know the senior partners have their own 

agenda, but something else is going on, and I can't 

figure out what it is. I have this feeling inside 

that I ought to know, but for the life of me, I 

cannot think what it could be.

 

My friends keep telling me that we're still 

helping, that we've done more to help since we came 

here than we were doing before. I don't know how 

true that is, though. I look at all the things 

we've done, the compromises we've made, and I 

wonder how this can be right. It's beginning to 

feel a little like locking the door on a roomful of 

evil lawyers and leaving them to their deaths. 

 

The last year or so has been pure hell for us. One 

disaster after another, one bad choice after 

another, and here we are, in the belly of the 

beast, trying to change the world from inside the 

evil. Yes, we have done some good, I know that, but 

does that negate the bad that happens every day? 

Does that excuse the way we've changed?

 

I feel lost somehow, I feel like we've all lost our 

way, and I have no idea how to even begin to follow 

the trail back to the side of the light. Things 

have gotten so confusing, I don't even know where 

we should begin. Every time I bring it up, my 

friends tell me we're doing what's right, keeping 

our eyes open for the trap I know has been laid for 

us by the senior partners.

 

But every time look at her, so still, so 

lifeless.....I know how wrong she would tell me 

this is. I can almost hear her say it, in a snarky 

tone, as tactless as she always was. I tried so 

hard to love her, and I did, but she was one the 

best friends I ever had. And I can't even help her, 

I can't do anything but sit by her and wonder where 

it all went so damn wrong. How the hell did we get 

to this point in time?

 

I've forgotten something, and I don't know what it


	2. Chapter 2

  
Author's notes: The first part of this was a poem  
I submitted to Bronze-Beta, and it was posted  
in early September, 2003. I've added a little  
to it.  


* * *

Lindsey

 

I still see that look on your face

 

It lingers within my memory

 

Of words you couldn't say

 

And loyalty you misplaced

 

Do they haunt you every day?

 

What would you do 

 

If you could take it all back?

 

All of the choices you made

 

Were always the wrong ones

 

Inside your heart did you realize that?

 

Greed and ambition became your life

 

Desire and hate twisted your mind

 

My heart hurt for all you were going through

 

The pain in your blue eyes cut like a knife

 

Why did it take so long for you to get a clue?

 

I hope you've become a better person

 

One who wouldn't kill the one you want

 

Just to spite the one you hate

 

You have to live with that every day 

 

But I think you learned just a little too late.

 

Are you back to rectify past mistakes?

 

Or to cause more internal torment?

 

Did you, in fact, sell your soul?

 

Are you on the side of evil again?

 

Just what is your ultimate goal?

 

If it's more vengeance you're after

 

You aren't the man I hoped you'd become

 

But its not courage that you lack

 

Did you learned from the past?

 

I hope like hell you're stronger than that.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Angel

 

The definition of a hero:

 

Man of distinguished bravery

 

Principal figure in a story

 

In answering a question recently,

 

I had to admit I thought you were only one of these things

 

But it's not what everyone thinks you are

 

Of course, it's just my opinion, after all

 

The definition of champion:

 

One who fights for a cause

 

 

Which cause would that be?

 

Helping a slayer, when you decided to crawl out of a gutter,

 

In order to become someone?

 

Helping the hopeless, did that include locking the door,

 

Leaving ruthless lawyers to die?

 

Helping to cleanse an evil law firm, from the inside out?

 

That's truly funny, it makes me laugh

 

Of course, it's just my opinion, after all

 

The definition of loyal and loyalty:

 

faithful and fidelity in duty

 

 

It's remaining true to something,

 

Even when you begin to hate the main character

 

It's watching even as you loathe the female lead

 

It's staying through the most disgusting storyline 

 

You've ever had the displeasure to watch

 

And it's still the best show you've ever seen

 

The definition of hope:

 

cherish an expectation of good

 

 

The most amazing occurrence happened at the end of season four

 

Couldn't believe it affected me like that, it totally blew me away

 

To have your heart break for a character you so despise

 

And cry tears for his pain.........

 

To quote another character, "It was a bloody revelation."

 

I then looked forward to the future with glee

 

So far, it wasn't in vain

 

I'm very happy about the way it's coming together

 

The end of episode eight made me so high, it was insane

 

No matter who ends up good

 

Or who's shown to be not so good

 

Doesn't really matter at this point, you know

 

Because I want to see you become

 

The definition of a hero

 

The forces of evil can't bring you down

 

I think I finally believe in you

 

Because I think you're stronger than that.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Angel and Lindsey

 

 

The definition of ambiguous:

 

Doubtful; not clear

 

 

That's what you are to me, it's what you've always been

 

I watched as something beautiful was swept away in a sea of ugliness

 

I watched as that something so damaged tried to be repaired

 

I watched as that something died a fitting death

 

I watched as something else tried miserably to replace it

 

I watched as that something turned even uglier than I could've foreseen

 

I watched as that something died an even fitter death

 

And

 

I watched as something that could have been the most perfect 

 

Was left to glances, subtle words, and innuendo

 

I watched as sparks flew and magic was created

 

With every scene you were in together

 

I watched with amazement as the thoughts formed in my head

 

Never imagined I'd root for something left so unsaid

 

 

But once the idea was planted, it was there to stay

 

It's remained in my head, it refuses to go away

 

I ponder on the set of double standards television lives under

 

I wonder why it's feasible to show one couple, and not another

 

Even though I know it will never be, I still have to say:

 

I've never seen two characters more

 

Made for each other than these two are

 

God, it's so sad we're on network tv

 

How disappointing it turned out to be

 

I have only one thing left to say

 

And it's to Joss and ME:

 

I thought you were stronger than that.


End file.
